Akash feels only a side can truly empathise with another side. “The first reaction I often get from other queer men is, ‘What’s a side?’ and after I tell them, their next statement is, ‘Oh you're just a bottom who doesn't want to admit it,’ or ‘If you haven't tried anal, how can you call yourself a side?’” said Akash, a 36-year-old communications designer who preferred to withhold his last name for privacy reasons. That’s mostly because gay men who confess to preferring the position are often met with judgement from their own ilk. And although that would make many conservative Indians including my mom happy, there’s so much more to being a side that is generally dismissed. On paper, a side in bed is someone who doesn’t want to perform the act of anal sex.

But earlier this month, Grindr – a dating app for queer people – officially introduced “side” as a sexual option on the app, making it easier for many men to finally put a term to what they enjoy in bed.Ĭoined in 2013 by sex and relationship therapist Joe Kort, who himself is queer and identifies as a side, the term has gained steam only recently. However, if you didn’t prefer anal sex, the option on Grindr used to be: “no anal.” As dismissive as that sounds, there simply was no other way to convey that you didn’t want to have penetrative sex but that that wasn’t all there was to sex.